it's been years since my last post
and wow, re-reading them somehow made me cringe hahaha
anyways, don't worry the past me, your english is okay now
or should i say... your confidence in english is getting better time by time...

so, as the title says,
this is how it started

i hate to admit this, but my life started to turn into a mess when i know things about
an abnormal psychology
it is kind of unexpected yeah? i never thought that ignorant is a bliss, but in and on some point, it is.
i thought, reading some stuffs like that make me knows humans a lot better than before.
i thought i would be less judgemental towards people.
it should be used as that though, no?
when i read some mental illness thingy, i hope to help them get thru.
but then, it reflects on myself too.

knowledge really is a double edged sword, huh?

getting deeper i am into all those kind of things, i think i started to think "is there anything like this inside me?" and found one by one, that if... IF i had not tried to reflect it on me, if i had not tried to look something inside me, i might never realize that i am 'sick'
i might be fine....or no?

it's both good and a bad thing that i found something's wrong with myself.
the good side is, that i can find a pro help sooner.
the bad thing is, it really reflects on me now.

things ight turn differently if i had not tried to reflect, it could be better or worse.
worst case scenario, if i had not tried to find out, there might be -still- something's wrong in myself but i kept denying it, to the point that -probably- i am not sane anymore because i'm denying the reality?
better case scenario, if i had not tried to find out, there might be -nothing's- wrong with me, i am perfectly fine with my mental health, no?


that's it.
i think it's all because the barnum effects? it is my own fault to know something about this, no?
but then again, knowledge is a double edged sword.
it is good that you know something, but it is also bad if you can't get ahold of the knowledge.

i think i will be more active here because i realized that as soon as im done with my tantrum and mental breakdowns, i need to write something i feel.

see you soon then.